Posted by: peterhact | October 21, 2009

For Gail

For Gail

I remember seeing a girl,
standing at the taxi rank,
she looked upset,
like she had missed something.

I recognised her.

I went up to her,
asked if she was alright,
asked if she wanted to share a cab,
and we went back to belconnen together.

We went to the boardroom,
a nice old haunt of mine,
she had a liqueur in a chocolate cup.

I walked her back up to the labor club,
she took my hand, and
led me towards the library,
we kissed under the underpass,
then she ran away.

I was in shock,
stunned,
partly because she had kissed me,
mostly because she had run away.

I thought,
I will never see her again,
and that was sad for me,
she was so smart,
so beautiful,
and I knew I wanted a girl like that for my forever.

Many months passed,
lonely months,
sad months,
ainslie village months.

And then,
when i had put her out of my mind,
I was reconnected,
introduced to her,
and we became friends.

we spoke nearly every night,
about every single thing,
and I was happy to hear from her,
and I wished she was mine.

she decided to have me over,
for dinner and a chat,
but her ex came back to town,
and the dinner was cancelled.

it was sad for me,
I wanted to be with her,
but it wasn’t yet my time.

She called me up,
out of the blue,
dinner tonight?
I was able to come over.

we talked and ate,
in a really small bedsit,
and then,
we kissed.

That was it,
she was my girl,
she was my friend,
she became my life.

We were together for everything,
when she changed jobs,
I was there,
when she felt down,
I picked her up.

I decided to propose,
in a romantic setting,
and popped the question,
in telstra tower,
I held my breath,
she said yes.

We were engaged,
living in a unit,
with running water down one wall,
and we started to save for our future.

we decided to wait,
no kids till a house,
and we saved,
saved and saved,
till we bought a house.

here, it all went wrong,
we were trying for kids,
and it wasn’t happening,
and we found that the problem,
was me.

I begged her to leave me,
to find a man who could give her,
the kids and a family,
she refused.

she found a solution,
IVF and assistance,
and she tortured herself,
with drugs and injections,
until we were pregnant,
I was so humbled by her sacrifice.

The child never made it.

I was devestated,
I withdrew from her,
and we drifted apart.

we reconnected,
and our daughter was born,
eyes like her mother’s
a tiny beautiful girl.

She decided that a friend was best,
for our daughter,
and back to the injections,
the pain,
the sacrifice.

we were told that there were two heartbeats,
there were two people coming,
and I prayed every day,
that all would be fine.

it was,
for the boys,
but I almost lost her,
and she almost died.

Now,
I feel like I am standing,
at the library,
watching her drive away,
watching her leave.

I don’t know,
if she is coming back,
but she loves me,
I know,
and I can wait…

22/10/09 Peter Holland

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Responses

  1. I can’t imagine what it’s like in your position mate, but I do know what it’s like when someone I love leaves and doesn’t come back…it hurts, but the hurt passes, mostly. Knowing that we are ongoing, helps.

    She’s not going anywhere mate…it’s not her time. That’s how it feels to me anyway.

    It’s a bluddy great post mate. I love your style…so real, so rare…keep going.

    Cheers

    Stephen G

  2. How’s Gail goin’ mate? Any news?

    Cheers

    Stephen G

    • nothing yet. i am just taking it a day at a time.

  3. Well, you’re not alone Cobba…my thoughts are with you.

    Cheers

    Stephen G


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