Posted by: peterhact | January 17, 2010

What sort of Christian have I become?

Right. for those of you who don’t believe in God, don’t think this is an attempt to “convert” you. I really don’t care what you believe. I don’t care if you are an adulterer, covet your neighbour’s ox, (though if that is what you call his wife, you may need some help) are gay, or another religion, or an atheist.

This isn’t my attempt to be a conversion engine, it is my way of explaining what i believe, and why I don’t go to church often, ok, hardly ever.

As I tell people, I am a registry Christian. I go for births, deaths and marriages.
Am i still a christian, as i don’t go to church? I don’t believe that anything has changed for me. I still believe in God, I just don’t believe that the church is anything other than a mechanism to promote the word of man, and the interpretation of the bible according to that body of man – the priest and the archdiocese.

Why must i waste my time of rest, my sabbath, getting up really early and listening to another tell me how I should help my fellow man, myself and live a good life? I live a good life. I am kind to animals, I help those in need, and I turn the other cheek to violence towards me. I don’t steal, I don’t kill, I don’t covet another person’s success.

I teach my children the 10 commandments, I try to raise them with a strong moral compass, though, since my wife left me, I am concerned that the compass may be skewed into believing that this is an ok way to behave, cheating is ok. If mummy can do it, what is to stop my daughter in later life from doing it? how can my ex preach that this is wrong, and expect my daughter to believe her? That moral lesson comes from me. I can teach my daughter that this is not the way to behave, because this is not how I have behaved.

I spend a lot of time searching my soul, asking internal questions, asking my priest the same questions if i get stuck, and the answer isn’t in the bible – lets face it, it is an old book, and no matter how many revisions, it isn’t getting any updates anytime soon. I come up with philosophical questions, like “who invented whom, did man invent god, or did god invent man”? that was a good one, my father and I discussed that for a fairly long time, until we were certain that it was solved. Unfortunately, we didn’t write the answer down, and when sobriety kicked in, we couldn’t remember. Other questions were “where did cain and abel get their wives, if adam and eve were the first people on earth, and cain and abel were their first born children”? and the current one which i am having fun with “according to creationism, god created everything in 6 days. how long is 1 day in god’s universe? is it a standard day in man time, or a millennia?”  If it is a millennia, then evolution neatly fits into the 6 days, and if not, it is a theory out in the cold. But then, where did the dinosaurs come from, and where did they go? and why don’t we see anything about christianity prior to the roman occupation of the holy lands?

I believe that there is a big guy in the sky. maybe it is a girl, a force, a Presence.  Whatever it is, I speak to it, i pray to it, and I feel comfort in doing so. But at the moment, I am certain that I have done something wrong, as I am trying to educate my children to walk in the light, and my ex, via her actions, seems to tell them that the darkness is ok.


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