Posted by: peterhact | January 31, 2011

Further exploits of the Search and Destroy Cat Module

today the forecast is for 37 degrees. the aircon is working well, the house isn’t that hot, and the Search and Destroy Cat Module and I are enjoying an uneasy period of truce, owing to the heat outside. He is asleep in his bed, feet in the air, chasing something, feet motoring along as he runs and jumps and plays – kitten dreaming. This is why it is an uneasy truce. He has to wake up sometime, then I will have to re-deploy the auto air fresheners, set to stun.

Last night, the temp was really uncomfortable, in the house – he showed his displeasure by yowling and scratching to go out, then, when that didn’t work, he resorted to dirty, dirty tactics. I couldn’t open the windows fast enough. Then, armed with the prod and chair – you think I am kidding?? I herded him into the enclosure, the raptor cage, bolted the door, and went back inside to deploy the “toilet smells” air freshener.

when I felt that it was sufficiently cooler in the house, I opened the cage door, expecting him to run towards me. nup. he was asleep. I decided (very, very foolishly) to wake him. Have you ever tried to wake a very large cat with claws like talons, a definite lack of sunny disposition,  a strange condition called Fluffyitis (loud noises, strange things like christmas beetles, touching his tail when he is concentrating on a christmas beetle that appears to be dead) means that he expands to ten times the original large evil size to a fluffy version, usually accompanied by an alarmed leaping  and a trait that earned him the further nickname of “skunk cat”? Two things happened. One, he reacted very badly. Fluffyitis kicked in. Cat went from large tiger to massive fluffy thing, snarling and hissing. Two, he earned his nickname. small things like crickets stopped chirping. cicadas started bumping into the pergola roof, stunned. The bat that sometimes flies around the house eating flies and moths started making a very strange chirping noise, before thudding on the roof.

I managed, eyes streaming, holding my breath, to herd him into the house, presented him with food – maybe bribery would work, and closed the laundry door before I passed out. I came round about ten minutes later, the laundry was strangely silent, but not as strange as outside – all around me, cicadas and crickets were chirping in neighbor’s yards, but my yard was a dead zone. Nothing moved, chirped or squeaked. Seemed to have been more effective than a roach bomb…

Then we had to have a period of Maddies – the time when his tail becomes a strange animal to be grabbed and bitten had started. at least he is too big to perch on the clothes dryer. If he did I would have to buy a new one. He was racing around the laundry, considering how small it is, there really isn’t any room for swinging, but he was giving it a really good go. There was a strange thumping noise, when I undid the locks, chains and levers I found him asleep in his bed, I wonder what he was doing?

Now it is pretty hot outside, he still hasn’t woken up, so I have had to prod him with a stick from a safe distance to ensure he isn’t dead. (wishful thinking, nah, kidding) still dreaming about his kitten days, but he is stirring….

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