Posted by: peterhact | February 27, 2012

There seems to be a mix-up. My furry overlord wishes to make a complaint.

My furry overlord wishes to make a complaint. He understands that I like to take photos of interesting clouds, sunsets, storms and lightning. He can’t see why, but whatever floats my boat. If it keeps him fed, go, man, go!

He wishes to ask why it has started raining. Aforementioned storms should not reduce his territory to a garden chair under a glass table. If he wants to wander around in the sunlight, make the sun shine, damnit!

He is currently wet. This is not acceptable to him. (Attempts to dry him with a towel are met with high suspicion, this is how I catch him for worming tablets, trips to the vet, sticking him in his steel reinforced cage, general moving attempts)

Okay, so tigers like the rain, they like to swim. Good on them. they can have it. He is not a tiger. He has kitten dreams about being a tiger, but I think this is so that the small people will stay well clear of his massive teeth and claws that can crack skulls. This weekend they chased him all over the yard. They thought it was a game. He was running for his life. Fluffy cats get jammed in cat doors, and can’t retaliate when patted. (the wrong end is facing out – but for the skunk cat, this may lead to another form of retaliation)

Getting back to it. The search and destroy cat module is not amused. any attempt by me to leave the house for whatever reason ends up in leg slashing. If I don’t leave the house, the cat armory is searched until he finds the most annoying option – yowling. I want to come in, I want something to eat, drink, play with, what have you got there? is that coffee? where’s mine? how does that piece of ham taste? is it nice? what about me? did you buy enough for everyone? where have you gone? I am here, at the window. Can’t you see me? right. ignore me, will you? how about this trick? If yowling fails, even though it is like fingernails on a blackboard or a water torture, he tries the flyscreen trick…

The flyscreen trick is nasty. I look out the back, no cat. phew. Make a break to take out the garbage, get the mail, go to a meeting, and, as I open the strangely heavy screen door, realise where he is. and it is not going to end well for me.

The S&D cat module has scaled the screen door. he is hanging on it, facing down, spreadeagled, ready to perform the complicated cat on head of terrified owner move. I wear a hat these days when going outside. I blame the skin cancer threat, but, in reality, cats can’t grab heads with a hat in the way.

Bang! I slam the door. I see his horrified face disappear into a garden bed, as I have shaken him off with my surprise move. Now there is a different type of yowling. This is primeval cat. This is the sound of a sabretooth cat, as he is now wetter. (ooops, it is raining) This yowl tells me that I am a dead man. This yowl speaks to my inner child – who gets behind a barricade of the sofa and any other furniture I can throw in front of the door.

Hmmm.

It is pretty quiet out there. Time to make a run for it for a meeting. check the door first. nope? not there? great. he must have gone in his igloo bed. what is that on top of my car? nooooooo….

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