Posted by: peterhact | May 14, 2012

Winter is coming. Time to deploy the cat warmth aids.

When it starts to get cold, The S&D Cat module has his cat igloo. it is where he can go to keep warm and sleep. That is fine, except when he needs to use the kitty litter. Laundry floors are notoriously cold. Apparently, arctic.

When we were in the old house, the one with the raptor cage, I had a small heater that he and his sister would use to bake their brains / set fire to the laundry / heat themselves with. The small heater was perfect, except that because they sat so close, jockeying for the best position, the laundry smelled of burnt cat. It was almost as if they competed to see who could sit the closest for the longest, as their fur singed and burned away.

Many a time I was certain that I would find them bald and roasted. So the heater was removed. The rug was just a bad idea. As they couldn’t get to the kitty litter box without leaping, they decided that the rug needed to be a quasi litter rug. Urrgh. The rug got thrown out after the Great Flood of the Laundry, or What Happens When a Bored Cat Chews Through The Washing Machine Hose. Bored? Sabotage. No other reason for it.

I put a blocking curtain in the window, as well as a weather strip on the door to limit the heat loss. Within a week, someone had dug all of the foam out of the strip, investigations were ongoing, the cats blamed the kids, the kids were far too little to get in the laundry, so they were exonerated. The kids couldn’t reach the curtain, and anyway, they didn’t have a Freddy Kruger set of knife fingers to cut it into little shreds. Cue bored cat syndrome again. Or the inane saboteur. Either way, the curtains now resembled a home made duster mop. I left it there for the duration of the winter, to teach them a lesson.

Stupid me. Cats don’t get lessons. Cats get revenge.

Revenge came in the form of the introduction to the kitty litter into the washing machine. small amounts during the week, but when I did the wash on the weekend, all of the clothes became caked with this white clay like substance. I still don’t know how they did it, but the washing machine started to play up and the repair man found a ball of the litter under the washing machine’s tub. The litter bags, full of fresh litter were above the washing machine. It appeared that they had been clawed so that the litter rained down on the washing machine – usually when I was loading it. One cat was always out of sight when this happened. they sometimes opened the machine themselves, probably to provide an extra layer of litter to the machine. The repairman made me pay a lot to fix it, it was the ultimate in cat revenge.

Now that his sister is in Cat Heaven, the Search and Destroy Cat module seems to be far more interested in the reintroduction of the heater. He knows there is no competition to sit in front, so maybe he won’t be so close?

Yeah, Right.

The heater has been removed yet again. two weeks into the new house and the smoke detector just went off. The Laundry appears to be a smokehouse, the S&D Cat Module looks a bit scruffy and the smell is just foul. With a flatulent cat, the laundry is pretty nasty at the best of times, mix it with burnt fur and it is capable of causing dry retching as your eyes start to stream.

The scary thing is that this is autumn. My mother has been threatening to knit him a little jumper. That is not going to end well, but there may be some periods of hilarity for me and the vet. After all, with a name like B*****s (edited), what else could go wrong for him? A jumper would make him look like a fluffy toy dog, all I need now is a new leash, and I will win.

Fat chance. I mentioned his true name. he was sitting at my feet, as I started to giggle like a maniac. He Knows What I Did. And now there is some editing going on.  Oh, well. I should remember that he is my furry overlord and is always many steps ahead of me, he is so much smarter than me, and when he works out how to operate the can opener, I am history…

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