Posted by: peterhact | June 4, 2012

Letter to myself – aged 12

Hi Peter,

Well, you are about to start high school. Don’t worry about what happens there, it is all going to shape your future. Your friends from primary school will join new friends in this new school adventure, and you will learn about all sorts of things.

I don’t mean the education, the books, the classes, the physical education, I mean that you will learn all about life – the good and a lot of bad. Don’t worry when the bullies beat you up, you have inner reserves of strength that nobody knows about. These strengths will see you survive past high school, there may be a few everlasting scars, but you will have that strength for later life experiences. There will be good things that you have happen to you, but I know that there is a lot of bad. Some people will taunt you, others will be cruel to you, and, as you are very naive, you will take a lot of things told to you at face value. You will have crushes on girls that you feel are out of your league, right now, they are, but this will soon change.

After high school, you will go to college. It doesn’t seem to get much better, our mother and father decide to divorce, but it isn’t your fault, never think that it is. You will be on your own more and more – maybe a couple of friends over the years, but at the age I am now, you will have 3 of the best friends you can have. They are your children, and they will always be happy to spend time with you. You will pursue your ambition to become a jeweler’s apprentice, this is straight after college, but your future doesn’t lie down this path. I can tell you that there is going to be a lot of pain in this period, and the strengths that you have will help you overcome the damage that is done to you – smashed arms and elbows will heal, you will get better but not be as you were.

After the jeweler, there is a period of homelessness. This will be really hard, but it ignites an ambition in you, a desire to never ever be in this state of life again. There will be abuse, and alcohol, and there is even a moment with drugs and a molester. These things will ensure that you can look back as I am doing for you and see that it wasn’t much fun. Time will heal most of our wounds.

I guess you are wondering what happens with girls? well, you seem to be able to pick good ones. There will be a couple that move away, tearing out your heart in the process. There will be a couple who do the unthinkable and cheat on you, trying to find their own futures elsewhere. There must be one that is our soulmate, don’t worry, I haven’t met her yet, but she is out there somewhere.

As you get older, your sense of beauty will change. photography, poetry, stone carving & cooking all allow you to experience new flavors and colors of life. This will all become clearer as you age. Our father will seem less of a positive image and more as an acquaintance, as will our mother. She will remarry, and they move to Adelaide again. Our father stays here, but I hardly ever see him.

Live your life for you. Never forget that even when it seems that life is at its darkest, we will prevail. We will be strong, we just can’t give in.

I know you will do well. I know because I am here, writing this to you.

 

Peter

 

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Responses

  1. After I wipe the tears from my eyes, I can comment. Writing is therapeutic and I feel very privileged to have some insight into your life. I write a diary too, but I would be way too scared to share. You’re brave. And wonderful.

    • Writing to a blog allows my kids to know what I did when I was younger, and the reasons that the hard decisions that I make for their future are the way they are. I hope that others that read these blog posts gain an insight into my behaviors, and possibly have the courage to put down in words their own experiences. Standing naked before my peers (metaphorically speaking) means that there aren’t any surprises to leap out at me in later life.


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