Posted by: peterhact | July 12, 2012

Shhh. Don’t let him hear you…

Looks around furtively.


Now there is going to come a day when the S&D Cat module won’t be here. No, I am not offloading him to the RSPCA, (who have already refused to take him) but I speak of his eventual demise. I mean, he was a kitten in 1996. He is now (removes shoes to help count) 16. in human years. He seems to have gotten over his weight loss issues and is gaining weight again. His fur is sleek and I recently wormed him. well, I had several goes with the paste, finally successful.

I should elaborate.

If you don’t worm a cat, they suffer. There are periods of amusement as you watch him dragging his bum across the concrete, like a mad furry rower, but if he gets inside, the amusement will end very soon.

Cat worming is not for the faint hearted. The instructions are never any help. step 1. Open your cat’s mouth and  Step 2. insert the tablet / squirt the paste in. Sounds easy enough, doesn’t it?

Life is never that easy.

Step 1. open the packet with the worming medicine – do this first. It gets difficult if you don’t.

Step 2. Put the medicine in easy reach. really.

Step 3. put on body armor, gloves and helmet.

Step 4. Find the cat containment blanket (whoever invented the one with sleeves needs a nobel peace prize for cat relations) and “secure” the cat.

Step 5. With extreme care, attempt to prise open the jaws of steel – avoiding contact with teeth and the claws that should be contained by the blanket.

Step 6. Repeat step 5.

Step 7. repeat steps 5&6.

Step 8. stuff the tablet, or squirt the paste into angry cat’s mouth. Avoid claws and teeth. (if you can)

Step 9. retrieve tablet that has been spat at you. Or paste and ladle it back into the mouth. (Don’t do this with your mouth open. really.)

Step 10. rub cat’s throat furiously till it swallows. keep rubbing. it has got cheek pouches for tablets. if there is an audible “glop” you have won.

Step 11. if unsuccessful repeat whole damn exercise from step 5.

Step 11. release cat, open door to allow access to backyard. DO NOT allow access to house. it ends very badly.

Step 12. barricade the doors and have a cuppa whilst you apply bandages and dettol.

So the cat has been wormed, has had his shots, is gaining weight (the vet is disappointed, more so when he realised we live closer now) and seems in the picture of health. Life is a funny thing. I half expect that he is alive through sheer bloodymindedness, but there will come the day when I go to tip him out of the cat igloo to start the day and he can’t come out, as rigor mortis has set in.

My next decision is whether I get a new furry overlord or be cat free for a while. I have told him that no cat will replace him, so he expects a period of at least 50 years of pining for him. Fat chance. I need to have a furry fun friend to talk to. I am not going to be talking to him.

This wasn’t supposed to be about worming, but new cat owners need to understand that it is not that easy.

Maybe I will be a new cat owner. Just not yet.


Oh, hi. you are awake now? what was I laughing at? no, nothing. A program on the TV. well, I turned it off. A while ago. That is why the TV is cold. what am I doing? nothing. just checking email….


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