Posted by: peterhact | July 21, 2012

Talking about dating…

Dating. That daunting exercise to find another ms or miss right. I thought I was over the whole dating scene when I got married. Now that I have been separated and divorced, I find myself in the unique position of trying to find that special someone again. Unique? not really. I am one of very many people who have had the deck of cards shuffled so that they have to go out and look again. Back in the day, gosh, 15 years ago, I was able to grease the wheels of the love train with alcohol. Now, in the brighter light of sobriety, I have no way to hide my imperfections, no quick road to love via a copious amount of bundy and cokes. I am naked, exposed to the world, (not literally. In canberra, I would be cold and dead) and you see what you get, no mystery here any more.

So, who am I for the prospective love interest? what talents have I that could attract a mate? can I puff out my chest and beat it to show how tough I am? (I could, but then I have to stop and wait for the stars to go away from my eyes) My mother told me to list my positives. Hmm.

1. I can Cook. And, (apparently this is surprising) enjoy doing so.

2. I can clean. I really don’t like to clean, but if I didn’t, I would end up on one of the nasty programs about disgusting houses. I think it is easier to clean now.

3. I can listen. Sorry, what did you say? (kidding)

4. I know I am losing my hair. It really doesn’t worry me. Honestly, I am not shaving my head, and I don’t have a comb over. Advanced Hair? pass.

5. I can… (censored) a lot. I am not making this about prowess or anything sordid. It has been a while, but I am sure I can remember what to do. eventually. It is like riding a bike, right?

6. I am good with kids. Mine or other kids. Little known fact: I worked as a clown for a while. with kids. at parties. the memories are always there. Other little known or littler known fact: I used to work for the YMCA as a Leader, which meant I can help small boys learn not to wet the bed. Not so good with girls, but my 7year old daughter is an education all by herself.

7. I don’t drink. I can, but I have small kids with me on weekends. Hangovers and 5 year olds don’t ever work out well. I have scaled back to once in a blue moon.

8. I have no clue about fashion. If you tell me that you want peach throw rugs on a green leather lounge, sure. (this is also a negative – I think black jeans, ACDC tShirt & Flannie is the height of fashion. (kidding))

9. I have no plans right now, want to take it really slow? sure. I would like to ensure that the person I am with is my wife before… oh, I don’t know, I kick the bucket. That gives you a window of at least 40 years.

10. My parents all live very far away. There will be no interference from them.

I suggested the negatives, but she couldn’t see the point.

1. I wear a suit every. working. day. I don’t dress up when at home on the lounge, after hours. I can dress up for a restaurant, but if the kids are with me, maccas have no dress codes.

2. I have no fashion sense. At all. if you tell me that something looks good on me, and it isn’t uncomfortable, I will wear it.

3. Full Moon influences me. (I don’t grow fangs, claws & copious amounts of hair, but the S&D Cat Module does)

4. The S&D Cat Module.

5. Did I mention the S&D Cat Module?

6. I do enjoy being on my own – in small doses.

7. I talk to myself, but that is because I have kids, a psychotic cat and no adult interaction.

8. I have mentioned the S&D Cat Module already, right? You meet him, you survive, you are the woman for me!

9. I am not interested in being mothered. I have one. two would be a bit awkward.

10. I am working until 6. every night.

So now I will cast my net and see what I can catch. The thing that scares me the most is that I am going to have to go on a date, make conversation and try to impress while not trying to bignote. I will listen avidly and pray I remember her name, what she tells me and what I need to respond with. It is like juggling chainsaws. Get it wrong and there won’t be a second chance, but there may be more chainsaws coming to visit soon.

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Responses

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