Posted by: peterhact | August 17, 2012

Old cats don’t rip the couch to shreds. why don’t you let him lie in the sun?

One visitor seemed to think that old cats aren’t still set on wholesale destruction of “nice things” like lounges. I cannot have nice things. I have children and a cat. One group decorates nice things with crayons, play-dough and plasticene, the other tears huge gashes in fabric, sharpens his claws on wood and generally makes everything have that “velociraptors were here” look about them.

Leather lounges are not cat proof. Cats love leather lounges. What else gives you a place to sleep, a place to pretend you are a velociraptor and able to gut the lounge before crawling into the hole in the lounge like a sabre toothed cave cat? I am tempted just to seal the hole with electrical tape, but that could end with a scene from alien as the maddened cat rips up through the lounge and between my legs. Visitors probably wouldn’t understand. Actually, some people just don’t seem to understand that cats are not all fluffy and cute. (The S&D Cat Module was cute. he was. once upon a time. Okay, maybe not cute, but certainly less scary.)

I decided to let the S&D Cat module out of the Cat Cave (Laundry) into the house for some “Together time” last night. It took me till 1am to capture him and put him back in the cat cave. It took a few hours this morning to put the house back into a state of clean, and throw out a rug that had been reduced to fluff. Somebody had a load of fun with the rug. Good job it wasn’t an expensive or important one.

He is now outside, refusing to come in, telling me that he is very happy out there thankyou very much and he will call when it is time to come in. (His calling involves miaowing for a few hours until I feel like I am going slightly mad) Sometimes, I just don’t understand why I listen to visitors or their crazy ideas, I mean, he is happy, why mess with the formula?

Then there is the sudden appearance of rain. Rain causes cats to become small balls of static, or wet or a combination of both. Rain is also accompanied by large amounts of screaming that it is raining, the cat is getting wet and they have reconsidered the offer to come in and have graciously accepted the offer. Now LET ME IN! Depending on my mental state, the cat is either let in straight away, or in the case where I am at the end of the miaowing, left out to understand that cat nagging will. not. work. really.

Currently, we have had a small dose of maddies. The S&D Cat Module is tearing around the house, leaping off the lounge, flying past me as I sit in my work chair and skidding on the tiled floor. There may or may not be a couple of involuntary 360 degree spins in there. I have herded him in to the cat cave. I have thrown food in, closed the door and am listening to him dismantling the washing machine. It isn’t my fault that the lid was left open. He is lucky I wasn’t running a soak or spin cycle. (the spin cycle would be funnier, like an overgrown hamster in a treadmill)

Looks like tomorrow is a rainy day. The S&D Cat module will be up at his usual time of 6am, screaming to be let out. How long till he realises that its raining? in a split second after being let out. Oh, well. Better get some sleep before it is cat alarm time.

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